When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
