i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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