i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
