That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
