talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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