so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
