i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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