I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
