he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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