Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
