I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
