Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
