I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize