brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
