I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
