maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
