it was like his penis was on wheels.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
