nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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