Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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