i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize