the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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