Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
