I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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