Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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