Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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