My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
