i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
