More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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