Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
