I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
