FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
