He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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