Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this just has baby written all over it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
