I hate your face
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
