I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
