On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
