Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize