The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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