I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
