I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
