the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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