got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I could fuck to npr.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
