no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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