so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
