Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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