so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
