You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
