The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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