To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
