the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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