she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
