Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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