You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize