you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
