just tell him i said nine months
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
