how can u be prego again
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
