Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize