Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
