According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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