Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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