don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my liver is dry heaving
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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