you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
