My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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