there's paper in my vomit.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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