so let's talk penis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
