by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
