i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
