I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
