Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
