Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
