i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
