I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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