Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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