I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
