All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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