i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
