Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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