I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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