So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize