oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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