i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
