OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize