I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
