I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
