i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
