So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
God I need to hump something, right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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