He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
