He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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