Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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