sarcasm needs its own font
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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