Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
