K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
