I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
