So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
