dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
