Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We smell like vodka and hangover
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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