It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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