Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
