I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
