Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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